1982 - 2013
I guess what is weighing the heaviest on me right now, and probably for some time, is the recent passing of an amazing guy who is very dear to me. His name is Craig and he left us last Tuesday morning. This is the first time I've been confronted with loss, and man is it confusing. I think the thing that I find to be the hardest to wrap my mind around is what an impact this is having on my day to day life.
See, Craig and I weren't best friends. We didn't ever hang out in the same group of friends. In 2010, I met him on Facebook. I was living in Alabama at the time, him in Florida. We texted back and forth for a few weeks before I ended up moving back to Florida myself. We hung out a total of TWO times. After that, we continued to text but little by little the messages slowed until we really weren't talking at all. No falling out or anything of the sort, just distance. So I guess the question is, how can the passing of someone who I knew so little about be such a tremendous weight on me?
Nothing makes sense anymore. He was such a good guy who did so much for so many people. Why would someone like that be taken so soon. I'm not even a quarter of what that man was, and yet I get to stay? What have I done that makes me so deserving? Who have I helped? What have I done for others? Nothing. By comparison, I live a pretty selfish lifestyle. But what can I do to change it?
I spend my days at a job that helps nobody. I'm going to school for nursing, but that isn't going to help anyone for a long time. Then there's homework, laundry, dishes... Where does one find the time to help people? Where can I find the time to make a difference? How did Craig do it? And now it's too late to ask him.